Liberty Republican Faults Mayor Joyce Craig for Failing to Single-Handedly Subdue Rampaging Brontosaurus

Graffiti-Covered Democratic Beast Reportedly Terrorizing Senior Citizen Bettors at Charity Casino in Attempt to Suppress GOP Vote — SATIRE

Pic showing former Alderman Tommy K. mesmerizing rampaging dino has been debunked as fake

MANCHESTER, NH —Granted, I’ll give ya Democrats some leeway. The Queen City is ah faced with all sorts a prob’lums that ALL Amurikkan cities is a copin’ wit’ — Yet ah too many people claim this ah here a place — New Hampsha’s largest city — is ah — whassthaword? — a vibrant ‘n’ a thrivin‘’ place under ah Mare Joyce Craig.

(Naw ya won’t catch me a sayin’ “community” no sirree after that there Hillary a Clinton dirtied up the phrase for us decent Amerikkun folks.)

Yes indeedy, on ah Google searches I’se a seen there be poll after poll ratin‘ ’ Manch’stur as one of them 10 best places to live in this a here country, yas suh. But it’s all lies. Fake news.

Lemm ask you:

(Just let me hike up me britches…They ah.)

Now, why isn’t that Mare Craig down at the District Court House with her a gavel doin’ sumpin’ to deny bail to da homeless drug addicts like my bruddah Willie who’se been shipped up heah to the Granite State from Taxachusetts to vote for them ah Democrats in electshuns?

Ya I know I know she’s not the County Attorney, ya now, somebuddy who actually has a role in them such matters.

( I’se hear he’s a fine upstandin‘ fellah who fellow Republikkins never has a bad word to say about, ‘cept maybe them ah communiss passin’ theyselves off as Republikrins in Fellow Traveler Chris Sununu’s “No Justice” Department. Ya can quote me on that, feller.)

No suh, I wasn’t a born heah. I’se ah threw my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] in the U-Haul and Fanny and I drove down I-95 (hee hee)— ya can say Fanny — thas my missus’ name — trucked our fannies down the turnpike to get us a piece o’ this here New Hampsha ‘Vantage.

Ya got a problem wid dat?

Like I wuz a sayin’ — If this here ah Joyce Craig wuz HAF the wimmin Our Lady of the Landslide Vaingloria Grady (“The Candidate That Can’t Make the Grade”) wuz, why she’d be a takin’ that City Hall gavel o hers — paid for by us taxpayers, ya know — right a down to the courthouse ’n’ be conkin’ them sumbitches on the haid!

(I seen the baliffs do it when my bruddah Willie started actin’ up after he wuz a busted after he made that bad batch a crystal meth. — Don’t quote me on that. It’s a Family Biz-a-niss.)

I say to Joyce Craig: Do sumpin’ ferkrissakes! — That there’s a shout out to da Mare!

I don’t usually take the Messiah’s name in vain, ord’narily — but GODDAMNIT! Can’t she DO sumpin’ ‘bout that graffiti-covered bront’saurus the social medium is all a buzzing about?

Oh ya. S’all over the Inf-mation Supah Highways.

Fred Flinstone’s friend is a amblin’ somewhere ‘tween the Goodwill Store ‘n’’ the Fill-Your-Empty-Times Casino. You can’t make that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] up, fellah!

I seen the posts. — Ack’chlly, I heard ‘bout the posts. From the Missus.

She told me that dino’s ugly maw wuz a-munchin’ and a crunchin’ on a bunch o‘ social secur’ty checks — ‘n’ lot’ry tickets ’n’ bettin’ slips the goddamn brute just a snatched out a the tremblin’ hands o’ senior cit’zens on they way to the pollin’ place to a vote for us Lib’tree Republikkins.”

That’s the way they’s a put it on the Facebook, fellah. Who am I to deny reality?

Now like I wuz a sayin’ — Why don’t that Joyce Craig wimmin DO sumpin’? — I’ll tell you why!

That there critter’s obviously a Dem’crat op-ratif sent up from Warshington to ‘timiate them poor Republikkin old folks at the polls to steal the vote!

And you can quote me on that.

VAINGLORIA GRADY’S RESPONSE

San Francisco is yet another city skippered by a Democratic Mayor with a rampaging sauropod problem

A spokesman for Vaingloria Grady (The Candidate Who Can’t Make the Grade), when queried about Vaingloria’s reposting of pictures, videos and wil rumors about the South Willow Street brontosaurus sighting that Snopes.com reveals to be false, had this to say (in all caps):

JOYCE CRAIG’S FAILURE TO HANDLE THE RAMPAGING SAUROPOD PROBLEM IS BECAUSE SHE IS A DEMOCRAT.

OTHER CITIES WITH DEMOCRATS AS MAYORS HAVE SUFFERED GREAT HARM FROM THEIR FAILURES TO HANDLE THESE TERRIBLE LIZARDS.

JUST LOOK AT SAN FRANCISCO!